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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962105">Not Temporary</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrianna_m_scovill/pseuds/adrianna_m_scovill'>adrianna_m_scovill</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Law &amp; Order: SVU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Declarations Of Love, F/M, Mild Smut, Misunderstandings, Tattoos</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:47:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrianna_m_scovill/pseuds/adrianna_m_scovill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The request: Barba discovers Benson has a tattoo on her inner thigh and he kisses it goodnight, only later learning it's fake. (I took some liberties with this story, and although the request came with Kinktober I decided to post it separately since there's no actual sex in this fic...)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>84</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Temporary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmfoss929/gifts">kmfoss929</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She lifted her hips so he could slide her pants down her legs; he peeled them off slowly, letting his fingers drag gently against her skin—her thighs, her calves, every inch of her skin felt familiar even though he’d only touched it once before. How many nights had he lain awake remembering the moment—a lifetime ago, really—when they’d given in to the sadness and desperation and fear of saying goodbye?</p>
<p>He’d been on his way out of the city, broken and lost. She’d known he was leaving first thing in the morning and that there was no guarantee he would ever return, and she’d shown up at his door late at night fresh from an undercover operation. She’d had too much makeup smeared on her face, and her dress had been too small and tight, clear signs that she’d been playing a part. The streaks of mascara were from real tears, though, and they’d drowned their misery in half a bottle of liquor before stumbling into his bedroom, naked before they reached the bed, their touches heavy and clumsy and full of desperation.</p>
<p>He’d found the tattoo after they were finished, while he was kissing his way over her body in an attempt to memorize every inch of her. He’d frozen, momentarily convinced it was the alcohol or depression playing tricks on his mind. If he’d seen the ink sooner, he couldn’t help but wonder if things might’ve gone differently—not only that night, but in the days and weeks surrounding that night.</p>
<p>But in that moment, he’d been able to feel the wheels turning, wheels that he’d set into motion and that felt much too large and heavy to halt. So he’d pressed a kiss to the tattoo before crawling up to kiss her lips, but she'd turned her face away from him. He didn’t blame her, not then and even less now; he knew that he’d hurt her, that he’d broken her heart, the one thing he’d wanted least of all to do. He didn’t mention the tattoo, knowing it would only make it harder to pretend they could go on with their lives.</p>
<p>She’d gotten dressed a few minutes later, anyway, leaving his apartment with a brief kiss against his cheek and tears wetting hers. That night, after she was gone, he’d sobbed like he couldn’t remember ever crying in his life, shedding tears for things he hadn’t yet allowed himself to mourn—his grandmother, the betrayals of old friends, the destruction of his career—as well as for what he would be leaving behind in the morning light.</p>
<p>In the deepest darkness of night, he’d had little hope that he would ever find his way back to himself, or to Olivia Benson.</p>
<p>But even though he’d broken her heart, she never abandoned him. At first the calls and texts had felt like pity, and he’d felt like a selfish asshole for clinging to the lifeline she was throwing him. He’d had nothing else, though, so he <em> did </em> cling to it, and eventually the talks had gotten longer and less awkward, like they were finding their way back to their friendship, at least. </p>
<p>So much had changed in the past year and a half that Barba could scarcely remember what it had felt like to be so lost and untethered. Those weeks and months felt like a bad dream. And in his absence, she’d dealt with more than her share of grief. The loss of her brother, and Tucker. Barba, hundreds of miles away, had longed to comfort her in person but had done his best to talk her through her grief.</p>
<p>“Penny for your thoughts,” she said now, drawing him from his musings, and he smiled. </p>
<p>“Thinking how much has changed since that last night before I left,” he admitted. He bent down to kiss her shin before slowly crawling up her body, trailing kisses along her leg. </p>
<p>“Not our best night,” she said quietly, running her fingers into his hair when he got within reach. “Although there were some highlights.”</p>
<p>He smiled against her skin, humming his agreement. “Maybe we can recreate the good, skip the bad,” he murmured, and she laughed softly as she played with his hair. </p>
<p>“We’ll make all new good memories,” she countered. He couldn’t argue with that, and he kissed over toward her inner thigh. She spread her legs a little wider to give him access, but he stilled as he caught sight of the smooth expanse of pale, unmarked skin. For a few seconds he floundered back in his memories, desperate to know he hadn’t imagined the letters that had once been drawn into her skin in dark ink.</p>
<p>And then he realized she must’ve had it removed. That knowledge hurt, but he pushed past the pain. It was understandable, and he shouldn’t have expected anything else. He’d been the one to leave, with no promise of return, and it was unfair to assume she would want a reminder of that betrayal.</p>
<p>He kissed her inner thigh, and up to her hip, her stomach, over the lacy cup straining to contain the swell of her breast, until he finally found her lips waiting for him. She met his kiss eagerly, her hands slipping down to find his fly. She unbuttoned his trousers and shoved them—briefs and all—down his hips.</p>
<p>He shifted away long enough to kick his pants to the floor, and shuck his shirt over his head, and then he was back for another kiss. He felt her hands skating over his shoulders, his back and hips, whispering over his ass, trying to explore every inch of bare skin she could find. </p>
<p>He wanted to take his time and do things properly this time around, but he was already fully hard against her thigh. He slid a hand between her legs, fingering gently into her folds to find her already slick, and he groaned in the back of his throat. She smiled against his mouth but pushed at his chest a moment later.</p>
<p>“Roll over,” she ordered softly, “It’s my turn to do some exploring.”</p>
<p>Barba hesitated, his stomach suddenly squirming nervously. He didn’t want to deny her anything, but he was suddenly and painfully aware that things could get awkward.</p>
<p>“Is something wrong?” she asked, searching his face.</p>
<p>“No.” He hesitated. “No,” he repeated, ducking his head to give her another kiss before rolling over onto his back beside her. She pushed herself up and over him, straddling his legs just above his knees and sitting back to look him over. He spread his arms wide across the mattress. “Have your way with me,” he sighed, grinning when she rolled her eyes. </p>
<p>“I will, thanks,” she agreed, sliding her hands up his thighs. “Just deciding where to—” She faltered as she caught sight of the letters inked on the inner curve of his thigh, only partially visible. He wasn’t surprised that she’d spotted it so quickly. “Start,” she finished absently, reaching out to push gently at his muscle so she could verify the letters written in permanent ink: <em> OB </em>. “Are those my initials?” she whispered, meeting his stare.</p>
<p>He thought about making a joke to keep the mood light and immediately dismissed the idea. “I wanted a reminder. I...needed something tangible, you know? So my brain couldn’t convince me it was all a lie. I needed a reminder of how much you loved me before I fucked everything up. I don’t want it to make you uncomfortable, Liv,” he said, reaching up to cup a hand to her cheek. “And it’s okay that you got rid of yours. I understand, I do.”</p>
<p>“My—What?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling in confusion. </p>
<p>Barba touched the fingers of his other hand to her thigh. “I saw it, that night we were together. I didn’t mention it because I was a coward, but I know that I—”</p>
<p>“Rafael, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>He hesitated, once more fighting with his own memories to sort through what was real or not. He was <em> sure </em> of what he’d seen. Mostly sure. “You didn’t have...RB tattooed here?” he asked, glancing down at his fingers and back up to her face. </p>
<p>For a few more seconds, she genuinely seemed to not understand the question. Then realization dawned, and he saw both sympathy and guilt settle into her expression. “I was undercover,” she said. It was his turn to frown. He knew that—he hadn’t asked about the case, but certain things had been made apparent by her attire. “We had a trafficker in custody, and his girlfriend was supposed to arrange a deal but she overdosed...We knew she’d never met the supplier…” She shook her head, because he clearly hadn’t put all the pieces together yet. “His name was Rudy Bartlett. She had his initials tattooed...Rafa, it was fake ink, temporary, so I could pass if they did a strip search. I’d forgotten it was even there, until later.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” he said, helpless to stop the flush of embarrassment creeping up his face. That explanation made more sense than her tattooing his initials in such an intimate place before they’d ever <em> been </em> intimate, and the more he thought about it the more he realized it didn’t matter. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said, reaching up to pull her down for a kiss. “If mine upsets you, I’ll get it removed. But I don’t regret it, even if I got it because of a stupid assumption on my part.”</p>
<p>“I wish I’d known you saw it,” she murmured, laying her forehead against his. “The truth is, it did sometimes make me think of you, after you were gone. I watched it slowly fading away, and it was like you fading out of my life. But it was meant to represent something on another woman, for another man—not good people—so I let it go. But…” She trailed off, not immediately finishing her thought. He ran his hands over her back, waiting. </p>
<p>When the silence stretched out, he repeated, “It’s okay. Liv, I know that everything was my fault. I know that. I’m in a much better place now, and so are we, I think. I hope. But that doesn’t excuse the pain I caused—”</p>
<p>She pushed herself back up, once more sitting on his legs. “We’ve been over this,” she said, and she was right. She’d assured him that she didn’t want or need apologies from him, that she understood the headspace he’d been in when he left. </p>
<p>He nodded against the pillow. “I love you,” he said. “That’s all it means, me getting your initials. What I saw or thought I saw doesn’t matter.”</p>
<p>She reached behind herself and unhooked her bra, stripping it off and tossing it to the floor. Before Barba could comment on her beauty, or even think about raising a hand to touch her perfect skin, she used a hand to pull her left breast aside. Underneath, over her ribs but just high enough that it would be hidden by her bra, was a small heart with the initials <em> RB </em> inside.</p>
<p>Barba reached up to touch, swallowing against a sudden lump of emotion. His eyes burned with unshed tears. </p>
<p>“This one’s not temporary,” she said. Then, even though unnecessary, she added, “And it’s not for anyone but you.”</p>
<p>Barba cleared his throat before speaking. “Well, now I look like an asshole because mine’s by my crotch and yours is over your heart,” he said, and she laughed as he pulled her down for another kiss.               </p>
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